There are some days that I am caught off guard. Semblances of you pop up and I do a double take. Perhaps it's just me, catching these glimpses of you in others, but if not… maybe there are those from our past that will say, "Absolutely, I see John!" Or if the resemblance is too great, we stare awkwardly long, knowing that our gaze reveals disbelief and yearning at the same time.
There is a sense of amusement, in seeing these likenesses of you in TV/Hollywood personalities: Bruce Lee (in your really youthful days, the martial arts too), Joseph-Gordon-Levitt (definitely your 20s), and Nik Watt, a London-based correspondent for ABC News (in your later years… uncanny!)
But there was that one… in Enniskillen, Ireland. I could not help but stare. It was you, but not you, or a vision from somewhere in the ethers. The receding hair line, ears, neck, nose, jawline and shoulders… even the way he sat eating his dinner. Alone, he sat for two hours, well past his dinner, drinking whiskey and undoubtedly, listening to the musings my friend Lori and I shared over our plates. Shadows in a strange place, a restaurant named "Franco's" which hinted at Italian food fare, but instead plates of mediocrities—Asian spring rolls, a Califonia-style pizza and other non-Italian entrees laid before us, none that were Irish either. It didn't help that a few hours before, by chance, I passengered a boat named MV Kestrel, where the captain and I talked about the heartaches of suicide—"a dilemma in the Irish youth" he said ("just Irish?" in my mind). With a lump in my throat, he pointed us to the bar where we met Franco's owner, a regular it seems at this bar. After a few pints, he dares us with "can you afford to come dine with us?", knowing that we were hosteling a tour with kids half our age. We did, and I saw the likeness of you. You have to connect the dots… at least I do. Hands down, I sat next to your doppelgänger in Enniskillen, Ireland, where I road a boat named
MV Kestrel down the River Erne and it felt so bittersweet.
Happy Birthday John. It will always be happy birthday to us. And to all those who knew him… dust off those memories of him. Laugh, cry or choke back the tears. For as long as we think and speak of him, he's just sitting right over there.
Do this for me. Share this website.
www.SuicideIsPreventable.org and help save a life.
